The donuts story

If you came here from a Facebook post, you can skip the next paragraph as it is the same as what was posted. If you just found the page, I hope you can get something from it.

Just passing on a little bit of trivia for anyone who might be interested. How a donut got it’s name. It is curious how a circle of fried dough came to be called a donut, or more correctly doughnut. It’s really quite simple. At the time when donuts were first introduced to the English speaking people, the shape resembles an O or a zero, and another name for zero is naught. So they were called dough naughts, and over time the name has evolved, or devolved, whichever you prefer.  That’s the simple part of the story, for more information, check my blogspot page.

So here is the rest of the story. What I wrote above and on FB is total bull, I pulled the whole story from thin air. I did this several years ago at work as an example that if someone says something with an attitude of authority, and the story sounds plausible, people will simply believe it. And this today is a problem. So many posts are shared as fact, or a quote from some famous person, then the post is simply forwarded or shared on and on and on. There is a word for this, it’s called gossip, it’s also perpetuating lies. If you want to know how a doughnut got it’s name, go do some research. And the next time someone posts a quote by Abe Lincoln, or Charlie Brown, go research that too, odds are it’s just as bogus as the donut story above.

Using religion as an excuse for hatred

For most people, the term religion stirs the image of churches or some form of clergy, and while there is certainly a lot of churches and clergy who fall into the category of religion, it's not exclusively the same. Religion is ritual, it's sometimes believing something in the face of evidence that it's not true (like global warming, that's a religion). It is also used as a excuse to compare ones self to others, or to compare the sins of two people and to judge one as better than the other based on this religion. And it's being used to excuse the outright hatred of our current president. I've heard and read in the last several years so many commentaries on how totally evil President Trump is, yet the evidence does not support this. Lately I read a commentary by a religious man who condemns people for following the president because he's allegedly told lies. (And I say allegedly only because the things that he's supposed to have lied about, he really didn't).  Here's a news flash for you, you are a liar, so am I for that matter. In fact I have never met a person who has never told a lie. So for the self righteous writer who is passing judgment on the president for telling lies, have you sir never done so?  That would be quite an achievement and I seriously doubt it. The claim is that President Trump lied about the Chinese virus, in various ways. But I have looked back at the time line. I find no-where that there is a lie. What I do find is a lot of misinformation was spread around between December and February, and still there is a lot of misinformation being spread today although not as much and people are starting to realize that so much of what we were told before was incorrect. (I'm not sure if that was intentional or not. If it was, then those were certainly lies).

Looking back at news releases, at different speeches, what I find is that the president was saying pretty much the same things that the media and doctors were saying at the same time. He is being blamed for over 200,000 deaths due to the virus, but that is certainly a lie, or at the very least a half truth. That 200,000 people have died this year is fact, that they HAD the virus may be fact, (we know for a fact that many hospitals were attributing all deaths to the Chinese virus regardless of the cause). So in essence there were people who died not necessarily due to the Chinese virus, but died "with" the virus. There is no way to tell how many would have lived or died had the virus never spread. What we really don't know is how many died explicitly due to the virus. And as it's been politically weaponized, we may never know. The initial news releases, back in December through mid February was that this is like a severe flu strain, maybe it is, maybe it isn't. It was also stated that for people who's immune system is not compromised, the probability of survival is quite high. In fact the survivability rate is above 96 percent. 

I know that the socialists wanted President Trump to lock down the country back in late February-March. Believing that the virus could be stopped. It's a virus people, once released you can't stop it. I also know that a lot of people hoped that he would do so as it is an unconstitutional act and would actually be grounds for impeachment. What our president did was exactly what he was supposed to do, gave control to each sovereign state. Allow the governors and legislatures in each state set their own guidelines. And we saw, and are still seeing just who the dictators are. 

I recall the initial reasons for restricting movements in the country, it was to flatten the curve. To prevent a huge influx and overwhelm the hospitals. The initial objective was not to wipe it out, you can't wipe it out, it's a virus and will be with us forever. But somewhere along the line it seems that people now believe the lock downs were to give time to find a cure or vaccine. Not! 

But something else happens when a country is locked down, the economy begins to collapse. And thankfully our current president has enough business and economic sense to know that that is at least as deadly or more so than the virus. At some point one must make a decision, what has the potential to do more long term harm, and that is a very hard choice. The U.S. economy does not just affect those of us who live here, we are a world power and if our economy collapses there are global consequences. Plunging the country into a deep recession or even a depression would cause a significant amount of deaths also. 

To date I cannot understand why so many people that I know hate our president. And don't try to tell me that you don't. I hear it in your voices when you talk about him, and it's evident in the things written and the gossip continuously spread. This is where the religion comes in. It's mostly self-righteous folks that I know who spew the hatred. 

President Donald Trump is a flawed man. He has probably made some shady business deals, I'm certain that he's lied about some things. I don't know if he's cheated on his taxes, more likely simply manipulated the system as it's so complicated and hard to understand. I am also certain that he will do other things that people wold consider "sin". But I also believe that he has the best interest of this country in his mind and heart. 

There was a man in history who committed adultery. Then he conspired to have the husband of the woman with whom he had the affair killed. Pretty much everyone I know today would condemn a man for such actions, yet King David is celebrated as a man after God's heart. 

President Trump is flawed, no-man may know the heart of another. Put aside your hatred and pray for him.

Beekeepers are a little nuts

 I admit that I am a little off, well OK a lot off. Beekeepers need to be a bit off to actually enjoy keeping boxes of bugs that sting us. I currently have bees in six locations, because state regs limit how many I can have at a residence. Our club has made an arrangement with someone with some vacant property to keep some bees there, so I have some colonies and some mating nucs. We also use it as a rehab yard of sorts. If someone has a nasty hive, an evil queen, we can put them there, remove the queen and re-queen. There are two colonies that I consider demon spawn, and right now it's not a priority to re-queen. I figure a couple of nasty hives might discourage vandals. 

We have a member currently with an evil queen in the rehab yard, haven't had a chance to re-queen yet but that is now a priority.  

The grass was getting pretty high, I try to cut it once a month. Last month things went fairly well, I avoid the demon spawn until the end.  

To give you an idea of how this yard is laid out, imagine the state of Florida about 100 yards from top to bottom. We have bees along the west coast, from Naples up to Ocala, and a stand over in the panhandle, say just a little west of Tallahassee. 

This past Saturday I went to cut the grass. I start on the east coast, south of Miami. All the way up to Georgia, then make a turn and go past Tallahassee, down the west coast and back around. Using this visual, the demon spawn hives are in the Gulf of Mexico. I made it all the way up the east coast with nothing to note. Made the turn towards Tallahassee and a pretty good sized cluster came out of the largest hive, they bumped me a few times but not too bad. When I made the turn to go south, they left me alone. I proceded down west side, behind of most of the hives, again with no significant problems. Then I came to the newest demon spawn hive. It's just south of Tampa. It's kind of on the coast so I can't go behind it. I made another turn to pass this hive and I think every flyer came out. There was a pretty big cluster hanging under the box. I wish at times like these that I was wearing a body camera. I saw the bees come off the bottom, it looked like a large cloud and they were coming straight for me. I also saw bees coming out of the hive, like a water hose just spraying. By the time I reached the stand that they are on. I was nearly totally covered in bees. I could not see my hands. I am so glad my vent suit protects the way that it does. I took a few stings through my jeans. It takes about 6 laps around the yard to cut everything, I made about 3 1/2 and they found a hole in the tape around my ankles. Several bees made it up my leg and I decided to finish another day. 

Sunday I spoke with the owner of this demon spawn hive, we'll meet up later this week and de-thrown her. In the conversation I commented how I found it humorous how my arms and hands were covered with bees, how watching the swarm come at me was reminiscent of a Winnie The Poo movie. And the fact that we are willingly going to go through this box in a few days. Yes we're a little nuts.

Dark spots are all stingers. The gloves were taped to my suit. Good thing. 

Celebrating small victories

 So much has gone so wrong for so long, some days it becomes very difficult to believe that anything will get better. Yesterday (Friday October 16th) we got some more bad news. Nothing new here. 

I needed to do my yard and part of my son's yard. (I have bees there so I cut the grass sometimes). The mower was running a bit strange, I dismissed it as the grass being high and wet. In the process of cutting his grass, I hit a tree stump and bent one blade, put the front of the mower up on the trailer, and with a large adjustable wrench and a pipe wrench I was able to get the blade straight enough to finish. I left his yard and went to cut the grass at the club's out yard. when I got there I noticed gas dripping from the carburetor. My initial thought was some debris in the float valve. So I took off the bowl, and checked the valve and as assumed there was dirt. But I also found that the O ring that seals the float assembly was broke. I found the parts on-line, fairly cheap ($4) but it would take 5-7 days. Found a local place that was already closed, figured I'd call this morning (Saturday). 

So today I slept in a bit, got up at 6:20.  My plans were to take off the bent blade, go get the gasket kit, straighten the blade and finish the grass. 

Trying to remove the blade, I broke the shaft. The end is threaded, 5/8 -11 I think. The nut was rusted enough that I snapped it right off. A slight change of plans. 

Fortunately I have access to a lathe. Took off the shaft, went to the mower shop when they opened and got the gasket O ring set. Off to the shop where I faced off the shaft, drilled a hole and tapped it for a 3/8 bolt. Back home, put everything together and the mower will not run right. I thought maybe I pinched the gasket. Took the bowl back off, checked things and noticed that the main jet, which is housed in the float assembly, was missing. 

No idea where or when I lost it. The mower shop does not sell the jet, only a complete kit, ($45.00).  I can replace the carb for less. So I was resigned to wait until next week.  Started thinking of who I might know with some old mower parts. Vicki's mom, we replaced the carb on her generator two years ago and I remember keeping the old one in case we needed to move a mounting bracket. (The replacement was bought on Ebay). Went over there and sure enough it was still where I put it. Not exactly the same size but the main jet did fit in my carb. Put things back together and the mower runs. Not perfect but well enough to cut the grass in our out yard.

So with the bent blade straight(er) and the mower running fairly well, I was off to mow the out yard. 

(At least most of it, the bees were excessively mean today).

So it was a little victory, having the skills and tools available to fix the shaft, and the old carb parts to make the mower run. 

I also got another bee colony today. Feral bees under the floor of a storage shed. Five nice pieces of yellow comb (Brazilian Pepper in bloom). Found the queen 10 minutes into the removal, caged her in the box, went back at 7:30 and all of the bees were in the box. Got 1 sting in my truck driving home after placing the nuc in the new yard. There is a whole lot in life that still really sucks, but today I had a small victory.

Messing with a liberal census worker

 I had a visit from a census worker Wednesday evening. They felt that there were errors in the form I filled out on-line.

Apparently checking the box "native American" set off some flags. So as we are standing in front of my door, she looks at me and asks,

"You checked that you are native American, did you have your lineage checked?". My reply was that I did not need to check anything. My father was born on the US, my grand-father was born in the US and I was born in the US. According to a simple definition of "native", I am native. She tried to explain how the term did not mean that. She went on to say things like the original inhabitants, the indiginous people. I said that I am an indiginus person, having been born here with at least three generations being native. I could see that she was struggling trying not to say Indian. So I said, "You mean American Indian".  She said that we're not supposed to use that term. So I asked her what my choices were, she read a list, white was on the list. I told her that I am certainly not white, her paper was white. I've only met a few people who are "white". Just put me down as "other". The next question was about my sex, how do I identify. I asked her what choices I had. I don't remember all of the responses, something about non-binary was one of them. I just told her that I was male. She then asked if anyone else lived in the house. When I told her yes my wife Vicki, she asked what race she identifies as. I hesitated a moment, I could see in her face that she was a bit troubled, I said just put other there too. And the last question was about Vicki's sex. I really wanted to say something like she's a space alien or a toaster or something else absurd, but I could see by the look on this poor college student's face that the lubrication to the gears in her brain was failing, so I just said female. Common sense is a thing long gone. Maybe we can bring it back in the next generation.

Oddities happen when things wear out

 This is one of life's anecdotes. it's a story about our dryer.  Our dryer is old, I don't know how old, I bought it used at least 12 years ago so probably pushing 20?  It still works, so no need to replace it. But yesterday Vicki (my wife) came and told me the dryer stopped working. I went out and checked the clothes, yup still quite wet. Started the dryer, it's spinning. I looked over the back. There is a little crack between the sheet metal pieces that if you look at just the right angle you can see into the element housing, and if it's on, there is a red glow. Yup I see a red glow. Dryer is working, walked away. Went back an hour later to move laundry and the clothes are wet. Odd eh? Went through the same process, yes it seems that everything is working. So this time I was piddling around in the garage and I heard a strange clunk, after which the dryer stopped spinning. Hmm?  Again I restart it and this time stood and watched. It took about 2 minutes and I saw it. The door opened, maybe 1/2 inch, but just enough for the dryer to stop. Apparently the little latch that keeps the door closed is wearing out. Vicki was drying a pair of sneakers with her clothes, I took out the sneakers and tried again. Success!  I guess I'll replace the latch this week. 

Mail in voting is a bad idea

The latest item that the socialist liberals are having orgasms over is that president Trump is trying to destroy the Post Office to stop mail in votes and interfere with the election. Frankly I'm tired of the hatred and derangement of the Trump haters. All that we've head, every week for the last three plus years is how Donald Trump did something wrong and he's going to be removed, only to discover just a few days later that it's not true. So let's look at what's actually happening. Mail in voting is a bad idea, which I will address later. First though, let's look at the Post Office. The Post Office has a unique and strange position, it's not a branch or part of the federal government, although employees are federal, and part of the Civil Service Retirement system. These are some extracts from documents found on federal government web sites. They can help understand how the PO is supposed to work.

In 1971, the Postal Reorganization Act, eliminated the old Post Office Department, replacing it with the US Postal Service. The act was intended to make the USPS self-financing from its own revenues, and to make it an independent, non-political public service. Prior to the PRA, postmasters (including the postmaster general) were political appointees; rates were set by Congress, and the POD had to go through the appropriations process to get the money it needed to operate.  

This is from the PRA of 1971;

”The United States Postal Service shall be operated as a basic and fundamental service provided to the people by the Government of the United States”. It also defines the USPS as “an independent establishment of the executive branch of the Government of the United States”.

So the act in 1971 was supposed to set the PO to independently operate and be self supporting. As a part of the executive branch it comes directly under the pervue of the president. 

Since 2006, primarily due to some really dumb legislation, and poor managment, the PO has been operating at some significant losses. Almost 70 billion dollars in debt since then. 

So now here we are, with losses just last year of nearly 9 billion dollars, and the PO comes directly under president Trump. (Losses in the previous two years were 2.7 and 3.9 billion). So enough is enough. Something HAS to change. And so our current president, being primarily a business man, and understanding that every business needs to make a profit, is making changes. It has nothing to do with the coming election, it's simply needed to stop the hemorrhaging of money. Most folks really can't grasp what 9 billion dollars means. So let's try to put things in perspective. The average American will amass about 2.7 million dollars of gross earnings in a lifetime. (This is average, college grads (bachelors) should be slightly over 3 million, and high school grads around 2.2).  Currently in the area where I live, one of the local high schools, Palm Bay Heritage, has about 1900 students. The money lost by the PO in the last year would pay the lifetime wages of twice the population of Palm Bay Heritage high. 

So now let's look at some basic reasons why mail in voting is not a good idea. Initially, I don't understand the constant objection to requiring a photo ID to vote. One needs an ID to purchase about half of all prescription medications, to buy tobacco, and alcohol. An ID is needed to cross borders, but not to vote. The only logical reason for not wanting to show ID is to make fraud easier. Without the ID requirement, people cast multiple votes and dead people vote. I just had a discussion with someone who did not believe this but just a quick internet search will show several documented cases. It's the undocumented though, if we know that some are doing it and getting caught, then others are not getting caught. The most secure method to vote is in person with ID. The second most secure is simply in person. 

Mail in voting being bad has very little to do with the PO. Potentially it could have something to do with some employees. It's more that a lot of people simply do not follow directions. In a recent mail in campaign in New York, up to a quarter of mail in votes were disqualified because the voter did something wrong. Similar things have been happening in other cities.

Maintaining control and accountability of each vote is crucial. But there are other problems. What will stop someone from casting multiple ballots in someone else name?  If I drive around town and just look at yard signs, I can determine what candidate someone supports. Then I can fill out just two or three extra ballots in that person's name while selecting the opposing party. If the votes are caught as duplicate, they are all thrown out, If not caught, I have nullified the cast vote and added an extra for the opposing party. No mail in voting is not a good idea, it has nothing to do with the PO abilities and has nothing to do with president Trump trying to fix something that's bleeding money.

  

Corporate welfare, liberal double standard

 Let me begin by saying that I am not a fan of a lot of the corporate "welfare" type programs. I understand establishing tax incentives to attract business. I also believe that these should not be permanent. I was not a big fan of the various Wall Street or auto manufacturers which received federal monies. I know a lot of liberals who frequently complain of how the Republican party gives tax breaks to the rich. It's an old and worn out lie. But of late I've heard a lot of the same liberals who complained about bailouts who want the US post office bailed out. This is coming because there is a new postmaster who is trying to cut costs and work within budgets. Last year the Post Office lost nine billion dollars. I am trying to figure out where that money came from, who is fitting the bill for this huge fiscal failure?  Some time in the 70's, the Post Office was somewhat separated from the government and operates as a corporation. There are some specific restrictions and regulations, but there are other companies who operate under similar restrictions and regulations and do not have billion dollar deficits. The new postmaster general is  looking at cutting overtime, a significant expense last year. This has a lot of people angry. I have seen some proposals to bring the PO back to a federal agency, to pay for it's operation with tax dollars. The cost, if divided among all of the current taxpayers, is about $50 per person each year. The argument is that the Post Office, and receiving mail is worth the cost. Perhaps, but there are so many programs that could be considered "worth" the cost. This is corporate welfare, actually I look at this as another step towards socialism, federalizing agencies under the pretense that it's for the public good. Bull! We should not bail out companies which fail. No matter what the company makes or provides. I am glad to have a leader who understands how to run business, to make profits and cut losses. Frankly, I think that one of the best ways to reduce cost is to limit residential mail to three days a week. If someone really needs a letter earlier, express service will cost more. 

A better option would be to totally privatize the postal system. Allow competition, currently the only company that can deliver letter mail is the US Post office, packages can be delivered by a number of other companies. 

Beekeepers are a little crazy

Well, i think all beekeepers are a bit off, a group of people who actually enjoy keeping a box of bugs that will sting us. But queen rearers are another breed. The thing with making queens, once you start, you are bound by timing and nature. No matter how you may feel, or what the weather is like, once the grafts are set in the cups, the clock is ticking.  I went on vacation on the 24th of July. I wanted to have some capped cells when I got back but did not want to push things too close. So I figured the best grafting day was Thursday the 23rd. (my return day was August 1 at 10 pm).  It was raining Thursday when I got home, intermittent showers. And I had some other things to do. Finally, around 7:30 ish I was able to do a frame of grafts. A hard lesson learned is to check grafts a day later to be sure they took, if not there is probably a queen in the box. I did not want to come home and have no cells, I also did not want to come back home after work Friday, just planned to go straight to the airport. That meant that I had to go in the box before I left for work. So at 4:30 am, with a red light and my veil on, I went in. Just wanted to see if they are making cells. I didn't care how many. I can tell you that bees, like a lot of people I know, do not like being disturbed at 4:30 am. While they don't fly, they do crawl and sting, I got 4. I did however see that at least 5 cells were started so all looked good. Came home around 11:00 pm Saturday. Sunday morning we were expecting a tropical storm or hurricane, Isaias. Still as stated before, the grafts are in and I must move them before one comes out. Late Sunday morning, between some showers I pulled 8 capped cells and put in the incubator. But something else has to happen too, you guessed it, I need to put in some more grafts. It was not raining when I pulled a brood frame, wasn't raining when I sat in the truck and started to graft. Right around the third larvae though the sky opened up and it poured. Sat in the truck for 30-40 minutes after grafting, the rain turned to a light drizzle. I took the chance and put the grafts in and the donor frame back. I'll check today and see if any took.   Update on this, I did a quick check on the  thunderstorm grafts, did not pull it all the way out, bees were on all cups and I saw wax on at least 5.

Yes it was a crappy job

Got home from work today and found water all over the hall bath floor.  Quick inspection revealed the tank bolts were rusted and leaking there. As fate would have it, I actually had a tank repair kit in the garage, so no problem right? The first bolt was so rusted that it snapped as I was trying to take it out. No luck on number 2. Rusted solid, the wrench spun around on the nut and now it's more round than hex. Trying to grab the bolt and nut with 2 vice grips while lying on my side wedged between the bowl and tub. I moved wrong or something because next thing I know the bowl lifted up and I snapped the floor flange, (PVC flange).  OK so I just lifted the whole thing up and broke the other side. Cool!  Now I can get the sawsall to the bolt. Bolt cuts off easily, tank goes back together and I'm off to Lowes. They do sell a neat 2 piece stainless steel repair flange. Back home, got out the oscillating saw and cut off the rest of the PVC flange, drilled and installed the stainless flange with some tapcons and the toilet is back together. For the wax ring, flange and tapcons I spent about $20, and about 2 hours. Thankful for the skills and instruction from my dad to do these things. It was still a crappy job.

Just another Saturday

There's busy and there's busy. And in the mix there is my regular Saturday. This is my typical Saturday. Alarm went off this morning at 3:35, which is my normal time to get up. I felt a bit lazy, was supposed to do an arm workout but rode my bike for 5 miles instead. Went in to work for 3 hours, finished one job and set up the machine for a new job on Monday. Ran by a bee yard and grabbed a frame of bees, took them to my younger son's house and put in a mating nuc with a new virgin. Came home and spent some time working on my AC. I am replacing the split system, the new unit is taller and the air outlet is offset so I need to make a new plenum with two compound angles. Finished about 2/3 and had other problems. Secured the copper line set to the wall with tap cons, tried to run the lines and got a major kink in the 3/4 line. Had to cut it and now I need a splice that the local suppliers will not sell to me. So I am delayed until at least Tuesday. I need to find a beekeeper who does AC work and can swap parts for queens. Had a call to remove some bees yesterday and my older son is looking to get his first hive. Went over and the colony was under a mini play house. Unfortunately the floor was made of fancy bamboo so we had to dig a hole next to the house and reach in. The bees were not there long so there was not a lot of comb. Put some combs in frames and shook in some bees. Started running the vacuum when my son decided to dig a second hole around the corner. While clearing out some dirt he found the queen, go figure. Back home, checked my incubator, 3 queens came out so I'll set mating nucs tomorrow. 

Reflections on Bee School 2020

As I've had some time to reflect and listen to some feedback, I thought I'd write some of my thoughts. There are a lot of atta-boys, and while it feels good, it was and always is a team effort. I won't specifically name names, I'd miss someone. Speakers made prepartions, displays were set up, a bunch of people came out to pre cut 80 nuc boxes, the grass was mowed and the grounds cleaned up. Cars were parked, people checked in, food set up and cleaned up. So many jobs but with so many people, things went smoothly and to the participants it looked like we knew what we were doing. And I can't say thank you enough. So far the only negative thing has been the bottle neck at the building station. We were short a builder, Kirk was sick and could not attend, and we certainly missed him. I also misjudged how long it would take to assemble. In the future I think we'll assemble at least half of the frames before the school and set up twice as many nuc stations. While I'd like to have more vendors, it might be difficult to attract them as we can't handle many more people than we had. The crux of our bee school is focused on first and second year beekeepers so I really don't see us changing the content. Perhaps if some groundbreaking discovery comes up we'll certainly cover that but the primary focus is to help new beekeepers keep their bees alive for more than 1 year.  It was a wonderful time, made possible by both staff and participants. An opportunity to meet new people and make new friends. Here's to lasting beekeeping friendships.

Just really tired

I'm a pretty private person, not one to typically discuss personal matters. After all they are personal. But of late I've wanted to put some things out. It's a new year and I've seen social posts from several people of how they were blessed in the last decade. I get a lot of mixed feelings about this. I've been trying to find 10 positive things from the last 10 years, so far I can't do it. Maybe it's because the past few years have been so bad that I just can't focus. Both of my sons graduated and have moved on. I changed jobs, not sure if that was good or bad, just different. Started playing with honey bees. Those things happened in the past decade. I've never had the "dream job" it's always been just work, a means to an end, survival. But of the bad that's happened there is a lot. I won't list everything here, a lot of personal stuff is simply too painful, and like I said before, it's personal. Our house burned down about 8 years ago. I learned a hard lesson about homeowner's insurance. Didn't have a very good policy. It did not cover all of the needed repairs and did not provide temporary living. We exhausted our savings rebuilding and just living. Essentially 15 years of savings was gone in a few months. My mom died kind of suddenly, she had what should have been considered routine surgery, developed some post op complications and passed quickly. About four and a half years ago Vicki was out of work for a year and a half for health and medical reasons. Learned a lesson about long and short term disability insurance. You should have it. So again we spent what we'd tried to recover. We've had three cars totaled in accidents in the past 6 years. Took a loss on two of them, the latest I'm actually getting a reasonable amount. Now I need to find a decent car for that price. Last year, nearly three years since we started rebuilding for the second time Vicki was rear ended at an intersection. The other driver was found to be at fault. Her insurance company called me and accepted fault. The problem though is that she had minimal insurance. I hired an attorney to navigate the mess and learned today approximately how much is available. It will cover between one third and one half of what Vicki will need. Having learned a lesson before, she was paying for disability insurance. The problem is they haven't been paying us. Again we've exhausted all of our meager savings. Being wiped out three times in less that ten years has taken it's toll. I'm sure eventually the insurance company will catch up, in the mean time I juggle payments to survive. Some folks have offered to lend some money. I will not go into debt with someone else to cover a different debt. And will NEVER borrow money from friends. That ALWAYS ends badly. I'm sure people are familiar with the glass half full or half empty question. In my case the glass has a hole in it and no matter how much I try to fill it, it all just leaks out. I'm not asking for anything, and I can already hear some people saying to stop feeling sorry for myself. And for the love of God do NOT quote me some scripture. I've read the whole book, I know what it says. I just felt a need to vent. This is my life, and it's just a small piece of what's happened in the past decade. I've stopped dreaming though, pretty much stopped planning beyond a month or two. Far too many times I've made plans only to have them wiped out. Retirement should be in four years and quite frankly that is getting a bit frightening. I have had a lot of people say that if I need something to just ask. I appreciate that, what I need is a neurosurgeon who will perform surgery for a bucket of honey. I've got a lot of honey.